I attended a lecture this morning about gravestones. It was a strange day to do so, as I have recently been inundated by thoughts of death. There is the "body count," the nickname I have given to the Baltimore newscast, and various other brutal killings on the national news. Seeing photos of the Navy SEALS that perished....heroes who died valiantly defending our freedom...left me with a sadness, but at least with the consolation that they died proud. I also learned of the death of one of my classmates over the weekend. I didn't know him well, but I do remember him as a cool guy. A guy whose life should not have ended in a bar fight. There was also the terrible news that another classmate of mine took his own life recently, leaving behind a beautiful family. Oh, and how I can I forget the abundance of posts on the memorial facebook page from my high school. Just sad.
Then there's life. My life has been pretty topsy turvy lately. I still feel like I am doing my best to get going and stay going. Looking for stability, which has eluded me the past few years. Wondering if I have made the right decisions. Trying not to have regrets. Trying to be thankful for the good things. I have a lot going on right now. Work, toddler, a trip out West, and (of course) trying to figure it out what to do next.
I am struggling with whether it is a good idea to go out West. The reality is, though, that I need it. I need some mountain air. I need some clarity. I'll regret it if I don't. Ugh. Why is life so hard? Can't complain, though. It's better than death.