Saturday, March 29, 2014

Not a total failure after all...

Well, I haven't EXACTLY followed through on my Lent blogging plans. AT ALL. But, ladies and gentlemen, there are good reasons so I will not apologize. In fact, if it comes to matters of self-discipline and being hopeful for a reawakening come Easter...then I have done myself proud.

I realized the other day that I have four goals of late: make my bed, remember to take out the trash, stop starting sentences with "dude," and learn to think more highly of myself. I made major progress on the first three this week. But #4 is something I've struggled with forever. Despite the fact that I have had a challenging few years, I am actually at a place of peace. I not only accept what I've been through and where I am but, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel settled. Joyful. Happy.

For one, I seem to have found a great support system. I often joke that I take abuse easier than compliments, but I realized that was a really crappy attitude. And not funny. I really don't want to keep blaming my upbringing but -- as "they" say -- if it's not one thing it's your mother. I was raised not to be selfish or brag about myself, which I can understand. But the result for me is that I question anything I get (even if it's well earned) and I brush off anyone pointing out a good quality they see in me.

If I had to pin down a turning point, it was at a farewell lunch for a friend who is going back to Michigan after wintering in the Holy City. She has never missed an opportunity to tell me that I rock. She also brought me shoes and rum...icing on the cake. Maybe it was her gentle coaxing, but I finally have learned that I am where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing, with people I should be with.

I am sure I will have more profound thoughts as the rest of Lent unfolds, but suffice it to say that I may have failed on the goal I set. But, in the end, I am succeeding in the mission.

Namaste, y'all.

No comments:

Post a Comment